This is a Sign.

I've got a modest collection of photos of English Signs I've seen over the years. Often what would be a 2 or 3 word sign in NY is drawn out into a small paragraph. "DO NOT ENTER" could be, "For the sake of your wellbeing and that of our staff please refrain from entering this restricted area." But, I made that one up, here are some real ones: 

um, so, zombie children? 

this one reads like a treasure map.  

good to know. 

xx

Bring your Cagoule to Mufti Day, and other reasons I'm hiding from my kids teachers.

When my daughter started school I was sent an email full of acronymns I didn't recognize.

We were invited to the FOS AGM and a SHUS the first week of school. They welcomed a new Year One Form Mistress and informed us of a "nits and kits check."

FOS - are the Friends Of the School i.e. the PTA
AGM - annual general meeting
SHUS - Second Hand Uniform Sale

Form Mistress: Nope, she's not a bureaucracy villain!

A form is a grade, and a mistress is the head of the grade. But, it's totally unecessary for our school to use this phrase. There is only one class in every grade at my daughters school so the Form Mistress for any grade is just the teacher!

Nits & Kits - Nits are lice. Kits is stuff.... the kids have Kit Bags, a bag full of their different uniforms - P.E. Ballet Gymnastics, spare clothes and an apron for art. If any items are missing their Kit is incomplete and we get a note sent home.

One of the compulsory (mandatory) items in the kit bag is a cagoule. It's a pack-n-mack, basically a rain jacket.

Once a term (semester) there is a Mufti Day, a day where you don't wear your uniform. The girls bring in £2 each towards charity and they get to wear their normal clothes.

At first when school started I would outsource my questions, sheepishly asking english friends for translations but now, three years in I just email the school... and then, sometimes I wish I hadn't.

Every friday the girls have a spelling test of 5 words. We didn't realize spelling tests had started so the first week we didn't study. My daughter got 0/5 (she wrote Ov for Of) Last week we reviewed and my daughter got 5 right. There were 5 check marks ✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️ but at the top of the page it said 3/10.

I was confused; are they averaging these tests? are they averaging incorrectly? are they grading on a curve? I couldn't figure it out and it was Friday and I didn't want to wonder all weekend... so I sent an email from my phone - quick question... this is the reply I got:

Dear Mrs. L
3/10 is todays date.
Sincerely,
Mrs R.
School Secretary

Have I ever mentioned that the dates are written day/month here?

it's 2014!

Well, at least nobody can criticise me for blogging too much.

It's 2014!!
Where does the time go?
I'm sure you're curious: the answer is YES; I am STILL living in London.

Coming back to the blog now kind of makes sense, since I'm figuring out a new life here.

The mass exodus of my nearest and dearest from London means that I am starting over, kindof. My best friends have moved away; mostly back home - their jobs having changed, their English husbands in tow, they returned to the states to raise their children among family.

No more college friends living here for grad school, no more fellow new yorkers to roll my eyes at when the guy at the deli tries to butter my bagel before putting the cream cheese on it. My book club is disbanded, my evenings are pretty free AND I'm really going to have to throw myself into my work!

Tthese last few years have been wonderful. My kid is in school, and loving it. I have successfully navigated my way around the British educational system. I'm not saying I like it of course, but I get it.

We have expanded our tiny family to include a tiny dog - which is very British of us. You can take your dog ANYWHERE here, to pubs, parks, restaurants, cafes, shops... our dog is often walking around "off her LEAD" (without her leash) free to roam the parks and forests (there are no forests just the heath) and well behaved enough to come back to us when called. Even the dogs have good manners.

We've spent summers in New York, running wild in the city... suddenly free to relax, be silly and speak openly with strangers.

But I will Keep Calm & Carry On... maybe blog a little bit about London life, Anyway as someone mentioned to me recently, blogging is so over now it's probably cool again. I can blog ironically.

pronouns, cheryl cole and larry king

Gosh, it's been a while. Hope everyone is well. We've had a lovely few months here in London, including a few visits to the states (*sigh) and trips to sunny places over the summer. Now here we are again, it's a little colder and a little darker and winter is creeping in.

There's a little tv show here called The X Factor. You'd have to be living under a rock not to hear about it daily and even though I don't really follow along, yesterday I watched a little. It's just American Idol without the Americans. Simon Cowell's even got the same seat. One of the judges is a woman called Cheryl Cole. She's one of those famous-in-Europe pop stars and yesterday after the show ended there was an hour long interview with her and the-guy-whose-taking-over-for-Larry-King. See article here

I think Cheryl Cole seems nice, I hadn't heard much about her before the show and I didn't know about her headline making divorce or recent illness. The main reason I watched the entire interview was that I liked her accent. But, what I found truly amazing, is her crazy way of using/misusing pronouns. I mean, that was something! She was actually making up words and then she would refer to herself in the third person, the first person and then in the plural...

Examples,

"There's a part of us that will always love him, he's a big part of me life."

"it was the day after me birthday..."

"its time i give meself my own voice back" (meself isn't a word!?!)

"i would never of took me vows if i didn't."

"oh, we's will."

oh yes. she really said we's will

piers morgan: you haven't called me pet yet.

cheryl cole: oh we's will.

piers morgan: "do you think he still wants you back?"

cheryl cole: "i don't think he ever wanted to let her go."

me: "HER? what's going on?"

piers morgan: "do you feel better for talking about it?"

cheryl cole: "ask us in a couple hours."

and then, "he changed me life when he invited us onto the x factor."

Explainations:

My husband says, "she's a Geordie that's how they speak."

Urban dictionary says A Geordie is a person that comes from Newcastle and has a distinct accent.

OK, so that explains it.

Well, I is got to go to bed now, we am very tired.

PASSED AND NOW BECOMING A VAMPIRE

In case you were curious - I passed the "Life in the UK" test. phew!

It really wasn't bad but I did have to study and memorize lots of numbers and dates. I now know the populations of England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland (50mil, 5mil, 2.9mil, 1.7mil respectively) and dates like what year women were given the right to vote (1918) and when to celebrate St George's day (actually I've already forgotten this one).

There was a lot of literature about women's rights and children's rights, domestic violence, how to contact police and how to receive "benefits" (government aide). There were chapters devoted to explaining mortgages and credit cards and how to apply for social housing and register with a local NHS doctor's office. They even explained who to call when you don't feel well. I want to think these chapters are unnecessary but, instead I'm thinking about what it would be like for someone from a non-western or even just non-English speaking country to move to London how to move to London and... flip out?

So this weekend is a, "Bank Holiday Weekend," which means that Monday is, "Bank Holiday Monday," which means that it's a national holiday when the banks are closed. No specific reason, just a day the bank is closed and in what feels like a consequence of the banks being closed, schools and post offices are shut and most people get the day off. In the states we always seem to have a reason for bank holidays like Martin Luther King Day. Bank Holidays are always tacked on to a weekend, either on a Friday or a Monday which I think is a nice touch.

People ask each other, "what are you doing bank holiday?"

translation: "what are you doing on the long weekend?"

Hmmm not sure about my translation, maybe "what are your plans for the long weekend" is better?

This brings me to a troubling point. I've been living here for almost 6 years and I know that I have deeply integrated loads (lots) of English expressions and vocabulary into my daily language. Of course I've had to for the practicality of making myself understood but, sometimes I actually have to remember how we say things at home. I'll know I'm saying something very English but I'll have been saying it so much I can't remember any other way. And sometimes I use expressions unnecessarily. I use "get sorted," all the time. I'll tell my husband how, "I need to sort that out," when I should be saying "I need to figure that out." I'm American I shouldn't, "sort out my desk," I should organize it!

Ugh, this must be what its like to have just been bitten by a vampire. I'm probably in the early stages of denial; when you only just start to notice that the sun is slightly beginning to bug you and next thing you know, you're ordering a steak. rare. for breakfast.... drinking blood would the equivalent of adopting one of those english-but-american accents.

UPDATE

I'm dreading the day when I have to blog about the English school system because that means I will have had to figure it out. So far I know we are registered for nursery (nursery school - an easy one) and the rest is a confusing blur of ornate language (primary and secondary schools, sixth forms, reception age, A-levels blah blah blah ). Unfortunately I will be figuring it out soon and I promise to keep you posted with a new post.

In the mean time I'm about to start studying for an immigration test (exam) to get my indefinite leave to remain, which is not unlike a green card. Taking a test is called sitting for an exam, so at least I know I won't have to stand.

I read somewhere that most Americans couldn't pass our own immigration test - which doesn't surprise me. How does a bill become a law? All I remember is, "I'm just a bill, yes I'm only a bill and I'm sitting here on capital hill..." then what happens?

London has been beautiful the last couple weeks and we've been enjoying all her green glory and spending a lot of time in local parks, taking the baby to the swings and having picnicks with friends. At the playground I noticed lots of new differences - parents don't say "Good Job!" they say "Well done!" and instead of, "Good Boy!" (which I say more like g'boy) I hear "Clever Boy!"

I've been taking photos of english words in situ. Here is habedashery at work:

More to come once this test is behind me (next week) and for now I've stolen this little list we helped compile for Jill's blog

Reckon = think (I reckon this word sounds sort of ridiculous)

Double 8 = 88 (as in Double 0 7!)

Swap out = to switch on and off.

Diversion = detour

Polo neck = turtle neck

Plaster = band aid.

Jumper = sweater

Compulsory = mandatory

Fringe = bangs

Mine = my place, "come over to mine"

Bank holiday = national holiday

Public school = private school

State school = public school

Post = mail

Joiners = carpenters

MONEY MATTERS

Pounds are the currency here in Great Britain and just like we can have a few bucks, they get a a few quid or a bit of dosh. Bills are notes so, a 5 dollar bill's equivalent is a 5 pound note. If you're in a hurry you could call a 5 pound note a fiver and a 10 pound note a tenner.

You can retrieve Pounds from your nearest cash point (ATM) which I have also heard referred to as a hole in the wall. One thing I love about british cash points is that after you put in your pin code (why can't they just say pin?) the machine says, "we are dealing with your request," and once they confirm, "please remove your card and your cash will follow." Hooray for never leaving my card in a machine again!

You pay for things at a cash till (cash register) and if you go to the bank here you should consider bringing a book because you will most likely be waiting in line, or queueing, for ages. Queue is also a noun and it means the line people stand in: one must find the queue and then queue.

By the way if it's not clear the word is pronounced "Q" like the letter.

Speaking of letters, did you know that H is pronounced "Hay-ch?" and Herbs is said with a very breathy "H" sound... in America it's more "Erbs."

Anyway, a cashiers check is known as a bank draft - and instead of opening a CD (which stands for certificate of deposit, thanks Liza!) you put money "on deposit." If you were unlucky enough to be made redundant (to be let go) or get sacked (get fired), you would negotiate your redundancy (severance package). A 401K is known as a pension scheme.

A huge difference between the US and UK is the use of chip and pin technology. Instead of swiping cards, here they are all fitted with little computer chips and you choose a pin code. At shops (stores) and restaurants you insert your card into a little machine and type in your code. Most restaurants have multiple wireless machines the waiters bring to the table - eliminating the need to sign for anything.

Jillian feels I would be remiss in leaving out the fact that this system is designed to reduce fraud. She would like me to mention that in the states nobody really compares signatures or checks identification. In Europe they are far more vigilant. If you have an American card without a "chip and pin," they can swipe it but will require another form of ID and they will hold onto your card while you sign and compare the signatures.

Lastly, while spending your hard earned wages (salary) you might like to look for things that have gone on offer (on sale) and if you're over 65 and eligible for a discount, you're getting a concession.